i found
the story of me
in a book on a shelf
Who knew
all that i would do
before i knew?
and wrote it down
for all to see
me
one born
free to choose
free to go, to do, to be
me
Who saw me
take from the tree?
murder my brother
worship gods
those little "g" kind
turn my face
from HIM?
Who watched me
become a drunkard?
sit idle, daydreaming?
Who saw that
i'd rather fabricate a story
than tell the truth?
Who watched
as the blows fell
and knew that i was
abused?
and that i wear it
like a badge
carry it
like an excuse...
and just how is it that
somebody saw me
abusing someone too?
Who wrote this book
and made it available
in thirty-plus languages
and watched as fear
became my god?
right in those pages
i found myself
i am a womanizer
a prostitute
a murderer for my own lustful gain
suicidal
shameless
cowardly
hiding from HIS face...
AS IF
... i am greedy and bankrupt
i have no faith
what is faith anyway?
and if asked...
i do not know HIM
unless it's cool to...
(not really popular you know? shhh!)
besides...
i might get hurt
i worry
and fret the small stuff
i have been divorced and remarried
five times... or is it six?
Who's counting?
i am apathetic
not really hot or cold
and not charitable
i look the other way
at those who just can't seem
to find a way
what am i to do for them
anyway?
i chase believers
cause them to stumble and fall
or kill them altogether
and prey on the weak
some people will believe
anything.
i am sickly
and seek not Healing
and while HE grieves
up on some hill somewhere
i take a nap
hey - i'm really sleepy
stayed up too late last night
and work was hard today
just a power nap here - okay?
and then i'll watch with HIM
before HE comes down
i'll get up for sure
but for now
just rest my eyes a few
while HE deals with HIS stuff right?
Jesus Christ!
that stuff you deal with...
surely not the stuff
You knew i would do
surely not the things
i choose freely to
go and do
and be...
not me...
have mercy morely still...
and Mercy
extended a hand to me
as i lay stammering
unable to hear
beside the road
Mercy
stopped
because HE felt me touch
the slightest edge
of his robe
Mercy
told them to let me come to HIM
and not to stop me
just because i was
small
Mercy said nothing
did tracings in the sand
when they spoke my judgement
and lifted stones
HE set me free
with gentle strength
and showed me how
to walk that way
HE saw my history
just seconds at the well
HE knew it all
and blessed me still
i climbed a tree
because i couldn't see HIM
and HE told me
i should come down
HE wanted to
hang out with me
HE knew i'd falter
at the mention of HIS name
and yet HE called me
long before that
all the same
knowing then
what i would do
HE let me wash
HIS tired feet
with my tears
though i was not worthy
to untie his shoe
HE called me precious then, too
and when we struck HIM
and when we mocked HIS name
beat HIM
and hung HIM on that tree
HE raised HIS eyes
and spoke forgiveness
for me
my freedom purchased
and i am free
to love HIM
and when i ask HIM
to take those things
that call me strongly still
and pull my heart away...
and when i tell HIM
i don't want to be
this
any more
and when i plead with HIM
time and again i ask
i hear HIM say
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
let Grace abound amen
